Tri-Ess: The Society for the Second Self

June 17





Datti Kapella
Crossdressers are probably as misunderstood in our society as are transsexuals. But crossdressers are not transsexuals, nor are they drag queens. Instead, they are (usually) heterosexual men who dress in what society considers “female” clothing and take on a female appearance in order to express a feminine side of their personality.



Crossdressers may dress as female occasionally or frequently. Most crossdressers maintain a male gender identity and have no desire to make physical changes. But crossdressing is often misunderstood and crossdressers are often discriminated against.

That is where Tri-Ess — the Society for the Second Self, a support organization for crossdressers — comes in.

What is Tri-Ess? Let’s find out from Amandatti “Datti” Rosa Kapella, one of the founding members of Tau Sigma Kappa (TSK), the Rocky Mountain chapter of Tri-Ess.

Who is Tri-Ess for?
Tri-Ess is targeted at the heterosexual crossdresser, their family, and friends. It also allows membership to vendors who provide support to the crossdresser community.

What does Tri-Ess offer for members?
Through Tri-Ess support, members attempt to find a level of crossdressing that is appropriate for their family and situation. A quarterly publication (The Mirror) is sent to members, and a support newsletter is sent to those who are registered as Significant Others (The Sweetheart Connection). Additionally, there are online forums available for members and their families to exchange messages on any topic.

Why is Tri-Ess an important and necessary organization?
As crossdressing today is an activity that is not “accepted” in “polite society” with many who believe it to be aberrant behavior, Tri-Ess provides support for crossdressers and their families in an effort to help them come to terms with who they are and how they can develop an appropriate level of activity for themselves and their families. As a centralized organization, there is an opportunity to standardize the support structure and assure that each chapter in the organization has an opportunity to benefit from that support.

What is the biggest misconception that people have about crossdressers?
The biggest misconception about crossdressers is that they are gay. Many mainstream ("straight") people see a connection between wearing clothing of the other biological sex and their sexual orientation. More education is needed to help us all understand the relationship ... and that it is not as simple as saying crossdresser equals gay or lesbian. Also, there is a misconception that crossdressers want to change their sex. While it is true that some crossdressers are transsexuals, it is not true that all crossdressers are transsexual. Again, education and outreach are methods of breaking these stereotypes in mainstream society.

What else would you like to say?
Crossdressers occupy all facets and levels of society. Their backgrounds and family structures mirror what we see in "normal" cultural settings, leading many (me) to believe that crossdressing is not isolated to rich, poor, single-parent, "Donna Reed," or any other segment of society. Crossdressing is a phenomenon related to gender identity, but in a way that we still do not completely understand. Tri-Ess members, for the most part, do not look to change their sex or even attempt to live in the "opposite" gender. Additionally, many try to hide the fact that they do crossdress — from friends, family, and coworkers. The ramifications for some are unacceptable.

Bio:
Datti Kapella was born in Manila, The Philippines in September 1954. She has an MS in Physics and a Ph.D. in Computer Science, and provides consultation to the U.S. Government on space systems. In addition, she plays keyboard, guitar, and drums, is an avid skier, and volunteers her time as a ski instructor for the disabled at the National Sports Center for the Disabled and with the VA- and DAV-sponsored National Disabled Veterans’ Winter Sports Clinic. Datti has been married to Jennie for over 24 years.

Datti is an active spokesperson for crossdressers and transgender individuals. She speaks from personal experience and personal research. Blending her outgoing style, inner confidence, and desire to take crossdressing out of the closet, Datti pushes the envelope in hopes that, someday, the closet will only be a place to hang clothes.

Author: Matt Kailey
Matt Kailey is a National Examiner. You can see Matt's articles on Matt's Home Page.